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OH MY GOD!!! I THINK I HATE JOHN CHOP!!!
Let's just start this off... FUCK YOU JOHN!
You're grand scheme to "better" yourself is the biggest campange to be an asshole I've ever seen. Jesus Crist don't try to play the fucking victim here. No one gave a shit about your fucking lame apartment. And all the people that were "holding you back" that you say your dropping... they dropped you a long time ago. We just didn't have the heart to tell you to go away when you invited yourself along. You act like a total ass and mistreat all poeple you incounter. Then when someone starts to get pissed off you come crawling back and try to be best friends again. I took this for years and finally I got tired of it. You truly were one of my good friends, but that was a long time ago. Now your a different person, a jerk that no one... NO ONE likes. We're not fake you are always have been. Now you just lash out against people who havn't done anything to you for months if ever. Logan never wrote a reply, you're just cring out for attention. Well you're getting it now, guess what it's all making us hate you.
I hope I never see you again in my life...
Dickhead
DAMON COWART
The summer lows...
I really hated what I wrote in this spot... so I deleted it, HAHAHA! I never got around to the point that made me want to write in the first place, I got bored to quick... eh, oh well. BTW: I'm trying to quit smoking... yay.
lates
MY LIFE IS A SHAM!!!
Right now my brain feels like it's trying to claw it's way through my skull, the pain is terrible. It's not some creative imagery I just have a horrible headache.
But that's secondary... My life is a sham!!! Everyone knows that I'm hispanic right? WRONG!!! This just in we've (my family) found out about my grandmother's parents. See she was orphaned. But in any case they're hispanic right? WRONG!!! I'm 1/4th Choctaw Indian!!! WHA WHA WHAT!!! This might sound like no big deal to most of you... To you it might be like, oh you're not germanic, you're from iceland or some shit like that. Fucking white man! But in my own way I loved being hispanic. I was raised that way and it was my little thing. But now it's just strange. I have no clue about anything to do with Indians. All I can say is that this just to weird.
Also, I threw myself in to a conflict last night. It was an all too scary flashback of the time after the break-up with Jana. I really didn't want to be the middle-man again, but It kinda felt good. In a bad way. So my head hurts a lot so I'm going to go hang up my dream-catchers and drift off to dreamland, and dream about becoming a man after killing my first buffalo.
Damon "Running Bull" Cowart
rocks, warmth, water, wind, and a kick ass drive to collect one's thoughs.
So today I went on what I like to call an Artistic Recharge. While I really don't know how I feel about calling my self an "artist", photography is deffinetly my creative out.
I took a long drive down into the rolling hills of Travis County, it was fantastic. Winding roads, cut into shear rock acompanied with the wonderous lake Travis in the background.
But photography wasn't the only thing on my mind... I've been thinking about my future and just what the hell I'm gonna do after school. But that too was secondary. As much as I try to put Steph's sudden come-back into my life out of my mind, it still worms it way back in. I just don't what to do.
If I had changed and wanted to make peace with someone I would hope they would give me a chance. But I can't just shrug off my past so easily. I want to start over and let things slide, not with just Steph but with everything. But even more I just want to stop running. I've ran from this for years, kept it bottled up and shoved it down below my "cool and calm" exterior. Well I just want an ending to this story. Running from your past never works. It's your past you are forever bonded with it.
Did I even have that much of a reason to be mad in the first place?
I think so. But did I have enough reasons to be mad for so long?
I'm starting to think... no.
Some times I feel so ugly on the inside, especially when I think of back then.
And besides that Nessa has been on my nerves lately. First she scares the hell out of me. Then she seems to start to avoid me and mike. And now a series of msg's and mail's make my true feelings ache even more... heh, she's probably reading this. So I don't know, half the time I want to scream at her, then the other half I'm speechless. I'm not pissed at her, I just don't know what the hell's going on. And being out of the loop drives me insane.
Ryan is totally acting strange... he's acting like I'm just some chump that he hangs out with because it's convient. Not all the time, but sometimes. It's like I go over there and I want to have a good time with my buddies, but sooner or later it's just me and Forrest hanging out in Ryan's. Then I start to feel like I'm just there to use Ryan's place. I want to hang out with Ryan not his place. And not the glum, removed Ryan. The joker that we all know and enjoy.
I have to say that now that I have declared my happiness my thoughts are now gradually shifting to those of the female varity. If it gets any worse I'm going to have to prove I'm not a hipocrite, grow some balls, and start making moves on the few women in the town that I can tolerate... yeah very likely.
BAH!!!
So check out the link, get back to me on my thought's / photo's.
We built this city on rock n' roll!!!
Don't know where that came from.
Eh... oh well later.
Damon
OH MY GOD!!!
so........
I was hanging out with Ryan and Forrest tonight. I was having a conversation with my friend Tony and then *BAM* out of NOWHERE I get a chat msg from one "Chinadrop". "Who's this?" I ask. And I get a reply "this is stephaine" ok... Which one I ask... this couldn't possible be the cheerleader. OH IT WASN'T!!! The reply: "SEALS". I was well floored... so what the hell. That chapter was closed (several times) a long time ago. Why is this happening now? What are her intentions? I'm so completely shocked. But what do I do... I play the nice guy. I'm so pitiful. I didn't want to give her a really hard time, but I didn't want to fold as quickly as I did. How could I make a stand? I'm trying to live past my hard times and move on. Plus the third thing she said was "DO YOU STILL HATE ME?" when did she become so direct. I couldn't say "well yeah, you made my life hell and I could have lived my whole life without seeing you again." You all know me, that isn't me. So I played nice for that reason... and I don't know but something inside me was really happy to her from her. Something very small and very deep within me was glad she suddenly showed up. I'm confused. What is in my head and heart. I thought this was all purged long ago. I don't know what to do. Being the NICE GUY I said that now wasn't a good time and told her that we should catch up later... man. I'm so weak. Ryan did some hijenks that were pretty funny but could complicate the whole situation. I smell the medeling of DeAnna... grrr...
Well if you got some feedback send me an email, I would really like to know what you guys think.
I'm so dumb.
Damon
well...
So it seems everyone is in a pretty dark mood lately. The thing I have to say to that is that life isn't some equation that you plug your current situation into and the magical computer spits out an answer weather you're happy or not. I'm really loving my classes, hanging with my friends for the most part, the fact that one of the best guys I've met is moving in with me. and even the crappy circumstaces that occur are nothing but a story to me after they pass. Granted some don't pass that quickly, and I'm still alone romaticly, but that is just a part of my life. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad every day. But life is just that. You are not going to like everything that happens to you. You take the good with the bad. This is nothing profound. It's been said a thousand times before.
I may not be special when viewed from miles above the Earth, but I AM unique to people I touch everyday. If I might be lost in a crowd, I make up for it for being a FRIEND to those I care about.
Now some of you seem confused to what a friend is. A friend is someone who can talk to you openly and be talked to back, a person that enjoys you for who you are, a person that is hanging out with you to be with you not just being around so you can entertain them. I'm your friend. Logan to say your a friend of circumstance is not accurate for almost all of us. You're one of my best friends, while some people this maybe true. But if they don't see your GREATness then fuck'em. And we'll kick it in Austin.
I'm not dragging my tired corpse through a horrible exsitance. I'm walking tall enjoying ever good/bad moment, because it's all better than nothing. I don't plan on trying to break the mold, I just want to live and see where this is going. It's far too early to be bitter.
Women
Well what can you say that hasn't been said before... I'll say it again: If it's a big problem, then go out and seize it. If not then look at everything else in your life, not what you don't have. If you have been burned, then learn for your mistake and move on when you are ready. Hey and sometimes a pointless doomed fling is just what the doctor ordered. It's better that hiding in a cave complaining about women. And besides who says it has to be doomed, but it is if you never give it a chance.
Mike give your "home" (yeah the place you're living) a chance. Don't focus on goodbyes, in this day and age your never alone. There's always the phone (SO CALL ME!!!). The point is you don't live in Minn. you've moved. You should build where you live, not rely on friends in old cities. You know all this. You told me the same thing. Now it's my turn again to tell you.
blah blah blah
If you still are reading this I'm impressed.
Anyway, that's my view/responce to everyone's blogs
and remember! "Charlie don't surf!!!"
peace
Project Sleep 2k2!!!
Enter Orbital Thunder!!!
Well forget those past stories, you guys were there so just think back!
Forrest and I have completed a grueling regimate to fix our sleeping scedules. We stayed up for 30+ hours and now we can go to sleep before 7 or 8 AM making it much better for class and things in general. The orignal plan was for Ryan to join us but the only day it really worked for me was the same day ryan only got 4 hours of sleep. So when he fell asleep at 11:00 me and forrest decided to put the plan ion action. Ryan then woke up and took little intest in what we were doing, or so it would seem.
It seems that ryan has taken very little intrest in much of what I've been doing. When we all go smoke he kind of isolates himself and never talks. He usually mods ps2's when we all are up to somthing in the other room. He just doesn't seem himself, I don't know whats going on. Maybe it's just me. It probably is.
Also Logan Sharp a good friend whom you all should know very well will be my roomate soon. Great times should ensue. Only thing is that Logan wants to move after AX but that is around July 4. I want him to move in late may / early june. This is because of my lease which ends in late may. So I don't want to move all my things to live in Dallas for a month, plus i want to stay here and go to school. I think I found my place here in Austin, I'm quite content with my life, except for my love life. I bet something will just fall out of mid-air and in to my lap. (jk of course). On that note I appluad Logan for making some sort of effort to control his love life. The moral: nothing comes to you, you have to drag your half-dead corpse up a mountain to get what you want. Once I really want something I think I'll start climbing. That's that.
Well on the subject of securing a life here It's seems I might have neglecting a few of my old friends. I want to apologize to every one who might have gotten pissed off at this. I really needed to focus on myself here, and when I was in Dallas I really just wanted to take it easy. It was selfish of me but it had to be done. I promise that I make time for you guys soon. Don't worry you guys are still my running crew.
I had a lot to say about my brother and father, but I cooled down and realized a few things too. If I get drunk or pissed you guys will catch a few tid bits but thats somthing that doesn't need to be dragged around.
PS: Hajime No Ippo ROCKS!!!
PSS: GTO IS RULE!!!
PSSS: Donnie Darko... MAN TOO GOOD!!!
LATES
Happy Get the Fuck Out of My Apartmentmas!
It's been a while...
Well I've gone home for the holidays and have returned intact to my home of Austin. I've started going to my new classes and have been living it up as usual. But I go into a bit more detail for you folks that wern't htere for the whole story. So sit back kiddies it's going to be a wonderful tale of woes and victories!!! not really
What betrayed me? My mind... or my heart?
After successfully spending at least nine hours of my life, I have seen all of The Godfather.
Such a good movie, no lie.
Part III was my favorite. Vincent Corleone is the best.
I talked to Mike today. To tell the truth I was worried about him. I feel much better now. Mike's problem's, I make them mine. It's good to keep in touch.
To everyone else, I'll see you in a week.
Damon Cowart
No one fucks with the Jesus!
Well I have a week left in this semester. I've been working a lot. But that is not the point of this post.
The point is... well there is no point, I just came up a great thought.
I've been truly lucky to have met several people who have strong views on life. They have completely changed my way of viewing life. Not because I see theings their way, but they forced me to formulate my own thoughts. I think I need a short nap.
You guys know who you are (and if you don't know, ask me I'll let you know that you're not) and well thanks.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
So things on ye ol' blog have been a bit bleek and pesimistic (drunk) for awhile now. Well how bout a change. I'm sober and I'm feeling alright.
I had a great trip to Dallas, and now I'm suffering under a pile of projects, papers, and homework larger than my apartment. Now some would be uncomfortable with the lack of room in the apartment or their schedule I've found peace. I'm relaxed and taking it one page at a time. Well it's all because I'm in great spirts.
Lates
I'm gonna peck a fight.
Ok, let me just say I'm drunk again. Well I read the last update. So I guess it was a bit more hostile than I was hoping to come across. I feel bad about Bekah being hurt. I want to be friends still. I still want to hang out with her. I still want hang out with her and Mark together. I also want some time with just me and Mark. But I do feel hurt, betrayed, and insulted that my personal thoughts were treated like tabloids.
Lonny said I should lay out a solution that would be more to my liking. Well the solution goes like this. Me and Mark able to hang out again even just a fration of what it used to be like. Bekah and me being on the level. We would be friends and hang out and be just as cool as before but able to talk about what bothers us. And still hanging out as a group without a bunch of drama getting between all of us.
But that's all probably a pipe dream.
Damon Cowart is done.
You always hurt the ones you love.
Well it appears that I have received a few more readers to my journal. And sense I didn't tell them about the page they don't know what it's truly about.
My journal is a personal out, a vent if you will. I used to get drunk with Logan and then sit there and vent until dawn. Well now I'm all alone, but I'm still pissed about stuff. So now I drink and write in my journal. And the reason it's online is because I want some people to read what I say, to see what I'm doing and what's bothering me. Mostly I now write for Mike. Who told people not to pass out his journal address, maybe that's not such a bad idea. The people who read aren't just the people that I don't talk about, most of my readers are people that I constantly talk about. In the past I've bitched about Logan, Lonny,
Deetz, and Jana to name a few and all of these are repeat visitors to my journal. The difference is that they knew that what I write is blown way out of proportion. They know that I'm usually really depressed or drunk or both when I write and not in my normal state of mind. And those that found my site other wise obviously didn't.
So... No, I'm not apologizing for what my journal said. But I do feel bad that certain people found it. All right enough beating around the bush. Basically I've found this so far. Alex some how got to my private journal (I know I'm linked off of Logan's page, but his reader's are usually my readers) and she decided to clue Bekah into my journal (which sense this is my personal voice, I think was total bullshit, there was no need to take basically a complete strangers innermost thoughts and ranting, and give them to a person who it would hurt, that was totally an invasion). Needless to say Bekah was pissed and very hurt. And
now more of my personal thoughts that you all are going to hate. But where the hell does it say that I want my most personal moments printed out and passed around at some party, that fucking bullshit. I don't care if there is one paragraph about you in it, you don't print out the whole thing and pass it around. There is some very low moments in this journal, and some very private matters that aren't to be gawked at. It's like me finding personal letters written by you photocopying them and passing them around because you called me an arrogant asshole. (remember I'm venting, it's a bit of truth and a lot of anger, nothing to be taken too strongly and yes, I am drunk)
That being said. I feel bad that it happened. If I truly felt this strongly I would be ranting to your face. But I'm not. It's because I've dealt with your crap for what 3 years? But it's part of being friends, that's why I don't come tell you this shit. Some times you were the best friend I had, some times I couldn't stand you, but I took the bad with the good. And you can't say that you don't feel the same way, I'm not an agreeable guy. It's not just with you, it's with everyone, EVERYONE!!! I'm probably just pissing you off even more. Well let me continue. When you asked "are we friends?", I could have lied and said of course but let's be truthful. We are friends (and I still think we are, even if you hate me), and I felt awful when we talked. You were there for me when I was a wreak when Jana broke-up with me. You have been very close to me in the past but I feel that we have drifted apart. And the reason why a said that we a some times friends is... well biggest reason of all is I don't like the people you and mark become when you are together most of the time. In fact I sometimes hate to hang out with you two. There I said it. And I felt this way for quite a long time. I really like you and Mark, but when you two are together you act completely different sometimes. Especially if there is alcohol involved. Sometimes we all have a great time, but only sometimes. And second, Mark was my best friend, and I've only hung out with him and him alone, outside of work maybe 6 times sense you've been going out. And yeah, I do resent that. But I still value you as a friend, and have always valued you as
a friend.
Well you can print this out and pass this around if you want.
This is Damon Cowart...
He is like half a man, he is a ma. He has no n.
Well my wandering has yet to be in the physical sense yet but the mind has made many trips. I find myself wondering back to "better times", but the better times all look bad if you look at them in the right light. Dallas
seems to have that light in abundance. Well I'm not stuck in the past I was just thinking about it. Steph to be
specific; not cause she was at the mall, not cause she was with some one, and not cause I'm all alone. The reason is fucking Lonny and Logan's little rap session at my expense. You know I enjoy a little joke at my expense but this was far beyond normal realms of funny harmless jokes. Some were hostile, some were hurtful, but most were just fucking stupid! And it really pissed me off a lot. But I let it go, and just gave a little chuckle as I attempted to pull the fucking dagger from my chest.
I also think of my last birthday. It's really the perfect example of a lot of the reasons I wanted to move. Well many of you might say, "Hey Damon, what did you do? I don't remember seeing you at your birthday party at Matt's." Well kiddies that's because two of my "friends" had a fight, and one being at the party, and one with me, meant that A+B=C I didn't go to the party I stayed with Mark, Bekah, and the innocent Jeremy Conklin. So what, it's just your birthday. You know I was just being greedy. I mean why should Bekah every have a day where she wasn't in control. It's just not fair to her, even if it is my birthday. To tell the truth I am so sick of her bullshit. If I hear about her and Mark's sex life again I will kill myself, but not unleashing hell upon the surrounding populous. And if her and Mark do come down, their is no way in hell they are both staying in my apartment.
Ryan is killing me... slowly but surely I'm being slain by his petty bullshit. Everything must be his way, and his
way is the way best suited for Dylan. It's not so bad, it's basically the fact that Ryan is a friend, but I hang out with him as one of my only friends. We are just not as compatible as the amount of time we hang out. It's that, that bothers me the most.
My only hope is to find a woman that loves my childish brooding ways and wants to take up every free minute that I have. Maybe not. You've got to ask yourself is another woman really what we need (Fight Club). Well I'm sure the answer is out there. Or maybe it's within.
Scientology is the Devil, and you're wrong to under estimate it. It prays on the weak and accumulates money
and power to reach many more. It's a dangerous entity that has the powers of a powerful business, brainwashing cult, and the power of a telethon with the many big budget movie stars it draws in. It's a joke that has gone way too far.
Well my ranting is over with.
SCREW YOU!
lates.
Ah, life as a vulture
And with a triumphant whimper 'n' has returned to our pathetic lives. If I sound a bit sarcastic it's because once again I've lost faith, not in a higher power, but myself. I've been feeling great for the past few months until I got back from Dallas two weeks ago. It's exactly as Mike Eddy warned me, don't hold on because it's all going to change. Oh but that can't be true, Mike Eddy is almost never right! Right? No, everything did change and my role in the Krew has ceased to be. Meanwhile back in Austin I can't find a place in any groups. So what did I have after that? Well school of course! Oh that's also going bad!
Well in Dallas everyone including my parents were treating me like a house guest. In my own home! It was so weird. Then we all played the damned truth or dare game that started this downward turn. For Mike I will explain. We all were outside Logan's house and after a while a game of truth or dare broke loose. Childish but fun. So it was mostly truth all around. Everyone was asked about two question while I was asked 7 questions. Ranging from why I moved, to things about Steph. So I started to get a little miffed. so I asked Mark were he saw himself and Bekah after he moved with Bekah two feet away. So he got me back, but not directly. He turned to Vanessa and asked why we haven't ever gotten together. Wahoo! Let me tell you that was fantastic. Oh wait no! It took almost 6 years of tension from never being questioned, to the front lines of my mind. Factor in all the other stuff including me and Logan going to each other throats a couple of times, it was not a good trip.
And so back in Austin... My friends Ryan and Deetz are acting strangely, Ryan suddenly started to spout out all of these racist jokes some are funny but some are just... well not funny. It makes me a bit uncomfortable. And Deetz... oh... Deetz, he seems to be in a worse mood than I. He is so damn pissy all of the time! And he opts to stay at home always.
Oh and school, lately school has been so overwhelming. And now I'm going to have to drop Government because of a missed test and a paper that wasn't.
It's funny how life wounds you and comes back to finish you off when it suits it's timetable.
So I've gone back to the life of a recluse. I haven't left my apartment in 3 days. I'm snacking constantly. And stopped smoking. I'm drinking alone right now. I have trouble going to sleep. I have trouble waking up. In short, I've gone mad.
And the worst part of it all... this town is ten times more crazy than me. Between Alex Jones and his Police State 2001, and Leslie Condike (guy) the cross dressing mayoral candidate, I wonder if my sanity is failing because of being alone or because of this fucked up town.
Well that's all!
Oh and a vote for Leslie is a vote for traditional values!
On the first day He created 'n' and is was good.
On the second day He created 'Deep Thought' and He realized that something had gone horribly wrong.
On the third day he slept in.
lates
Well it's been an odd month...
So a lot has happend sence the last post. Most notable I've got internet, WAHOO!!! So let's recap, I'll go in the best chronological order I can but it's not going to be pretty.
First Logan came down we had a great Miller Time and drank till dawn. I finally started to like Ryan, he's a good guy. Deetz (I spell it this way on purpose) is great as well. We had a good time.
Then I went to Dallas, tried all weekend to see Steph, she had nothing to do with that. What a little girl I got myself intagled with (and untangled). Hung out with all my friends good times. TOO MUCH MILLER!!! Way too much. My liver woke up next to me crying. Everyone acted a bit weird but I had fun.
Next I partied with Ryan and Deetz I had a great time. We started an Anime Night and started forming a group of gamers that hang and don't game. The next night I was going to go to a party with Jana but it was canceled. So we stayed up most of the night talking about EVERYTHING. The Krew, me and her, me and Steph, her and Jeff, and much more that I can't remember. We talked about a lot that we never dared to bring up before. It was helpful. I feel completely at ease for the first time in a long time with Jana. We'll leave it at that.
I then went dove hunting with my father and brother and his friends. I got drunk with them and had bonding with my father and brother. I enjoyed it a lot. Then we had anime night, small but then so was the first Grapevine one.
So now after a solid week of hard hitting studies, I get the internet. I feel so much better now that I have people to hang out with.
So Aaron's in jail, Logan's getting evicted, and everyone pointed at John Chop. From one side of the story John was not to blame completely but he did do something completely stupid that did not help. On the other hand the other story he just said goodnight and went on his way. That's as far I go into it.
I've got a story somewhere under all these books.
The day no planes would fly.
One image keeps reveberating thru my mind, it's the plane plowing into the second tower. It's haunting. Hundreds of lives that did no harm to anyone, that didn't have anything to do with foreign polocy were snuffed out in a split second.
drowning in the parking lot
Yesterday it rained.
I saw a movie.
It rained.
It was funny.
It rained.
Today it rained.
I bought a fish.
It rained.
I named him Ford Prefect (notice a trend?)
It rained.
I miss the sun and 105 degree heat.
It rained.
All there is rain.
It rained.
Freddy having a party saturday (he cancelled)
Oh and it rained.
You know who I am, and my story is water logged.
HAHAHAHAHA... whew... rain.
The harsh reality of life has crashed down on me. I sit through all my classes and no one talks to me. I'm invisable. There is no Damon Cowart here, it's like high school. I can't meet people. I can get to know someone. But meeting people is a huge problem for me. Maybe my new life won't come so easy. So now i'm dealing with what feels like solitary confinment.
It won't stop raining, I don't feel like driving. I just sit in my shitty little apartment all alone. No where to go, no one to call, no one to to go see. I was supposed to go see Jana but I bailed (big loss). I want to call Deetz, I want to call Freddy, but I don't. I don't know why.
My name is Damon Cowart and my story is long, boring, lonely, depressing, and not worthy of the time it takes to read.
RAIN RAIN RAIN!!!
When class let out today I found that the sunny skies of Austin had opened up and started to dump swimming pools of water on to the city.
So far I've done nothing with my life except gather cheap meaningless objects in my small apartment. I have no hobby, it used to be photography. Now that's more of a job that I like than a hobby. It's like I lost a peice of my self. Hobbies are part of who you are. And that part of me is dead.
The only thing I have to do around here for fun is go see my cousin, Nick. Which is fun but at the same time a thorn in both his and my side. For him, he feels obligated to do things with me which take away from time with his own friends and his girlfriend. For me, all I see is what I don't haveor what I left in Dallas; A great loving girlfriend, a group of friends that are there for you, a career that has shape and direction, and an all around positive attitude.
But as I set here writing in my psychology class I find that I love my new life in Austin. Here I have no past, no pre-known requsite to live up to. Here alone in my apartment I'm reinventing Damon Cowart. I'm born again out of pain and sacrifice. It's a chance to start all over, to live up to my philosopies from day one, to start new bad habits, to maybe pick up new ones. My past is just a story it's not who I am.
Life is random. It's not free will. It's not fate. It's a collection of chance incounters and phenomenas. There is now point in trying to control your life. You are just a little white ball on a roulette wheel. All you can do is place you bet and hope for the best. Free will is the bet and fate is chaos. That is true fact.
To succeed here I need to take the advice of a good friend and perhaps a insane genius, Lonny Parton, when he said, "you've got to sell out Dallas, and accept that Austin is true greatness". What that says to me is, that I can sit here and look foward to the next time I can go to Dallas, but why? Austin is my home now filled with new opportunities and people.
and so...
GOOD BYE PAST!
HELLO NEW LIFE!
HELLO NEW DAMON!
HELLO NEW HOME!
I'm Damon Cowart and this is just a story it's NOT who I am.
Packing up depression
It's like this, I don't write so don't bitch about grammer or spelling because I care not for this world or your foolish grammer! So let's make the best of a bad situation.
I took this from a mail to Mike Eddy.
I'm all packed. I have no room, or place to call home.I've packed my life all 19 years into a couple tidy boxes.How depressing, society says what you own is your worth, or maybe who you are. I just don't know. I getting that empty feeling in my chest. Life and the walls are closing in on me, I feel like screaming but I can't find any air. Steph is drawing away so she be hurt less when I leave but that just hurts me. What we have is so far from being a sex thing, espcially now (call me and I'll explain). Time is ticking away. Tonight is the last night I have with the Krew. We did nothing. I've started socialy smoking again, but not much. Tomarrow will be one of the last times I see Steph. That hurts, (to qoute Logan Sharp (a true genus) Like a gun, only more painful. Terrible times go as follows as layed out by the fantastic Logan Sharp:
So as I sit here, my face reddened by the alcohol which I forced myself to vomit, I wonder what really makes life such a bizarre and tricky thing. Streaks of good luck countered by those of extremely terrible luck, streaks of bad luck countered by those of good fortune, it's really a marvelous thing, really.
Go to his page and read this online journal,and you'll see what your missing and I promise you it's not much... but it's all I've got. You have it so great up their, or maybe it that the grass is always greener. I think it's the later. Life HA what a joke! Times of great joy with the ever present evil shadow of misfortune, I worry too much about the next day that today is ruined, I suck. I'm the worst hipocrate you'll ever meet. i've always said "Carpe Diem" but never, NEVER do I live like that. I had a great time at a party on monday it was great in every way. Gucci Mike was officaly added to the Krew (new blood in a bunch of dried old veins) he's breath of fresh air in this stuffy old room that is G-Krew. Sorry Logan but it's not dead your wrong. Jana's pissed me off again, she won't let things go (I don't either). She told Gucci at a party a while ago that I took everything from her... SHE BROKE UP WITH ME! FUCK THAT! SHE STOLE 6 MONTHES OF MY LIFE! GUESS WHAT! I WANT THEM BACK! Damn. She pissed that I moved on and I carry no feelings for her, well damn, sorry that I don't still care for her after she ripped my heart clean out of my chest. I don't even find her attractive any more. So that's all.
GOOD BYE G-TOWN!!!
HELLO ALCHOLISM!!!
HELLO LONELINESS!!!
HELLO FREEDOM!!! SWEET SWEET FREEDOM!!!
ITS NOT PRETTY. IT'S NOT PRETTY. IT'S NOT A ROMANCE NOVEL.
BUT IT MAKES FOR A GOOD STORY!
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